“Why is this a title of a film and you haven’t posted it under film reviews” I hear you all cry. Oh yes, all of you must be that observant and rightly so! Well because this is half a review of the film and half a review of the cinema that I saw it in. Well actually it’s mostly about the cinema.

So anyway, my housemates and I (minus Chris, who is unfortunately suffering from illness) trundled off last night, to see it. I was quite looking forward to it, although not having read the books like Luke and Matt, (I’ve read the first book though!) but enjoyed the previous films it set out to be a good night. Outside of the Futurist cinema we were confronted with what can only be described as hordes of children and their parents in a long queue stretching outside the cinema. The Futurist being a large cinema didn’t allow pre-booking tickets quoting that it’s large enough anyway, but in reality the pre-booking of tickets is a technology far beyond their meager film capabilites. So anyway the queue went down quicker than I expected, Luke had his magic wand with flashing lights and magic sounds, he must have magicked it away, so we were inside in no time, in to the rather antiquated converted theatre that is the Futurist, sure it’s big, but does it have huge pillars in places, preventing the unlucker viewer near from seeing the screen? Yes. Is it generally mucky with litter and popcorn everywhere? Yes. Does it have digital surround sound? Don’t count on it. The muckiness kind of annoys me mostly because if whilst I was working if even one person was to complain or say something about there being a single grain of popcorn or something, then if it was my responsibility to clean that screen, then I’d be fined. So in the Futurist’s case, they really are just being lazy and the management obviously doesn’t care enough about customer care. But I could live with it, after all I’m not working any more. Queue the mandatory trailers. Adverts that we’ve mostly seen a load of times on T.V. anyway, and then the future attractions presented in a wonderfully quaint 70’s style animation. There’s only one-Narnia, a trailer which I’ve seen loads of times anyway. They then stopped the film for some cinema goons to sell ice creams at the front! That’s quite frustrating, I was there to watch a film, not to wait for people to go up and buy ice creams so the film could start. The cinema may be crap, but is it really crap enough to delay the film and annoy the majority of people that either already bought food, or didn’t want any, just to maximise sales? Well yes it is that crap.

Queue the film to a clapping of the majority of the rather patient crowd after 15 or so minutes of watching people buy their snacks. The film started with something I’d been looking forward to, as my friend Joe who had read all the books said the Quidditch world cup was exciting in the books. I thought it’d be interesting how they did it, the Quidditch in the previous films were quite good, I think, The intro to the Quidditch was quite a build up, only to cut to a scene to after the match. I don’t know how on earth the director got away with that, I don’t know about anybody elses opinions on the film, but in a way I hope the hardcore fans are suitably enraged by this, so the director gets his comeuppance a bit. No Dursley part also, which is also an amusing part of the film for Joe and I. In fact the entire film could almost be classed as a romance, with barely any magic. The Futurist cinema sort of made it worse for me though. Even halfway through the film they stopped it intentionally for an intermission. This absolutely enraged me and utterly ruined the film for me. Through my 22 years of living and all of the cinemas that I’ve ever been to in different countries and places in Britain there has never been an intermission between the trailers and the film, let alone in the middle of it. So we all had to watch people buy ice creams at the front again…for another quarter of an hour or so. What a waste of time, although probably not for the money grabbing management. I’ll review this film properly when I’m not so enraged by the cinema that is showing it, I’ll probably buy it when it’s out on DVD.

For the management of the Futurist, a few pointers on how to manage a cinema:

1. Clean the screen area, it doesn’t take long for employees to pick up a few popcorn boxes and sweep up popcorn and it makes people more comfortable and happier to be there.
2. There doesn’t need to be an intermission between the trailers and the film.
3. It is extremely annoying for people that came to see a film, for it to be interrupted so you can sell ice cream.

I’m glad that my housemates shared in my angst about the cinema, I know an intermission is how cinemas used to work, but I think that’s where it should stay. Perhaps I’m over critical because the past 2 years I’ve worked in a cinema over the summer holidays and know what a cinema should ideally be like, plus I really enjoy watching a good film. Preferrably WITHOUT interruptions. I also personally believe for those poor few that may need an intermission to relieve themselves, to either go before or during the film, it’s no biggie that they miss a minute of the film or so. It is a biggie when you live in the twilight zone that is Scarborough where cinemas thrive in the dark ages and they stop films in the middle for 15 mins to maximise profits.

I really think I do live in the twilight zone here, the cinemas are very strange like I’ve seen no other, and this morning was one of the many that I’ve lost count now that I get woken up by a marching band marching down the street that my bedroom looks over. I’m still convinced they’re doing it on purpose and marching up and down my street in order to wake me up and annoy me further.

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